Six wives, zero patience, and a distinct lack of a male heir. Rome said no to the annulment, so obviously the only remaining option is a full continental invasion. This is a completely normal and proportionate royal response.
SIX WIVES AND STILL NO PLAN BROME SAID NO SO WE SAY WARDEFENDER OF THE FAITH, ENEMY OF FRANCEA SON WOULD HAVE PREVENTED ALL OF THISSIX WIVES AND STILL NO PLAN BROME SAID NO SO WE SAY WARDEFENDER OF THE FAITH, ENEMY OF FRANCEA SON WOULD HAVE PREVENTED ALL OF THIS
CASUS BELLI
Why, Exactly, We Are Doing This
GRIEVANCE 01
The Heir Situation
Catherine of Aragon has produced a perfectly capable daughter. Unfortunately "perfectly capable daughter" was not the assignment. The King is staunch about this.
GRIEVANCE 02
Rome Said No
The Pope declined to annul the marriage. Rather than take that as an answer, His Majesty has elected to take it as a starting position.
GRIEVANCE 03
General Staunchness
The King has a feeling. The feeling is that this is somehow France's fault. Nobody has been able to fully explain the logic, but the feeling remains very strong.
GRIEVANCE 04
The Field of Cloth of Gold, Frankly
That whole business with Francis I, all that gold tenting and wrestling and false friendship. It was humiliating. It is still, apparently, being thought about.
GRIEVANCE 05
A Legacy Problem
Without a son, the Tudor line is, in the King's words, "extremely at risk." Invading France will not fix this. The King has been told this. The King is invading France anyway.
GRIEVANCE 06
Wolsey Suggested Diplomacy
Cardinal Wolsey suggested a diplomatic path forward. His Majesty considered it for roughly four seconds before commissioning this website instead.
TERMS
His Majesty's Non-Negotiable Demands
France shall formally apologize for the general concept of the Field of Cloth of Gold.
France shall produce, on request, a son. Terms and biology to be discussed at a later date.
Full French endorsement of the annulment, forwarded directly and forcefully to Rome.
Immediate cessation of all smugness regarding the current French heir situation, which is, admittedly, better than ours.
Reparations, payable in land, gold, or a written note explaining why this is somehow still France's fault.
Total surrender by Michaelmas, or whenever His Majesty next remembers this website exists.
T-Minus: Operation Heir Apparent
The fleet departs the moment His Majesty's mood improves. We're projecting Bastille Day, mostly out of spite.
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Swear Fealty To The Cause
Sign the royal ledger. No jousting ability required, no wives inherited, no actual invasion occurring. Just solidarity, and possibly a group chat.
100% satire. 0% actual military capability. 0% marital advice offered.